As we journey through life, we often uncover new aspects of ourselves that shape our understanding of who we are. In my case, I had ventured through my 38 years always knowing there was a piece missing (I wasn’t like all the other kids) but I didn’t know what that piece was or in fact that it even existed. Enter an Autism Level 2 diagnosis that was a revelation and a whole new level of self understanding. Embracing this newfound understanding of myself has been nothing short of transformative.
Not gonna lie, upon receiving my diagnosis I was in shock. I had began to research autism because of my son. What happened was I stumbled across a Youtube video of a woman in the UK (no idea what that video was called) and she was talking about all the common traits seen in girls with autism. She described me, very little bit of me when I was a child and the career path I had chosen. It was mind-blowing. Leading up to the assessment, I was terrified I would not get the diagnosis because everything fit so perfectly, if this wasn’t it, maybe I was just a strange little oddball that never quite fit in.
Nope, I got the diagnosis and it left me paralysed. I had a disability. This was the reason so many things had happened in my life. This is why I struggled so much socially. This was also the point where ADHD was first mentioned because it showed up in my assessment.
It took me another 18 months before I felt ready to explore this further. I was lucky, through my profession I have done a lot of work on myself and had solid understanding, I also have an amazing husband who I can talk about anything with and explore things when they show up. So I was in a good space and well supported when I went to my doctor and said I want to explore this more. She made a referral for me to see a psychiatrist, I was assessed and ADHD was confirmed and medication was started. This moment marked the beginning of a new chapter in my life as starting medication happened one month after I turned 40. These events, turning 40, my youngest finishing school and starting medication brought with it a sense of liberation and empowerment that I had never experienced before.
Naturally, navigating life with these new changes comes with its own set of challenges and opportunities. For me, it means I am constantly taking the time to reflect on the past. There are many things that happened that have happened that have had a negative impact on my myself and my children that could have been completely different had I been diagnosed younger and had support. I am also actively embracing the present.
One thing I have learnt is that time flies. How many times do we blind and our children are grown or an opportunity has passed us by. It scary when I look back and realise 20 years ago I was pregnant. What? 20 years!? It doesn’t feel like that long ago! Finally, I look forward to the future with newfound clarity and purpose. Discovering neurodiversity has allowed me to see the world through a different lens, one that is uniquely my own. It is freeing to be able to tell someone I have autism and they know exactly how to interact with me. Yes, I take things literally, no I can’t ‘read between the lines’, no I won’t necessarily pick up when you are not ok, you have to tell me and then I can help. Likewise, it is amazing to be able to embrace my ‘oddness’ and not care so much. The burden of ‘fitting in’ is gone!
In addition to treatment, I am also embarking on a journey of self-discovery, exploring new hobbies and learning new skills along the way. This has not only been a source of joy and fulfilment but has also provided me with a sense of agency and autonomy over my own life. I’m not just following and doing the things I am suppose to do because that is how you adult. I decide there is something I want to do or try and I am going to get out there and do it. The newfound confidence that I can do things is something I will never take for granted or ever stop appreciating.
As I continues to document my journey, I hope to connect with others who may be on a similar path. By sharing my experiences and insights, I aims to provide a sense of community and support for individuals with ADHD and autism. Through open and honest dialogue, I hope to pave the way for greater understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity, especially in adult women.
In embracing my ADHD and autism, I have found a sense of freedom that transcends any limitations that may have once held me back. My hope is my story can demonstrate resilience, strength, and self-acceptance, therefore serving as an inspiration to others who may be on a similar journey. As I continue to navigate the ups and downs of life, I aspire to show grace, compassion, and an unwavering sense of courage to both myself and all I encounter. I want to show there is a power in embracing all aspects of ourselves, even the ones that may set us apart.
I am so grateful for your time reading this post.
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See you soon xx
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