It has been one week since I created my first blog post. It is something I had been thinking of doing for a while. The day before I took the plunge, it felt like everything clicked for me and then the next day I went down the rabbit hole (so hyper fixated) and created this blog. I put it all together, wrote my first post and was excited that I was doing something I have wanted to for a while but did not know what I wanted to share, nor have to courage to even try.
So I did it! I was on a high!
And then the imposter syndrome came along- ‘who do I think I am’, ‘nothing I do is important to share’, ‘what are people doing to think’, ‘I’m not good enough to be doing this’, ‘am I going to be able to keep this up’, ‘what have I done?’ - you get the point and let me assure you, the list continued.
I was in the shower after publishing that first post when these thoughts began rattling around in my head. Water is very soothing for me, always has been. The shower is the place I think, relax and also go when I am completely overloaded and having a meltdown. That night I didn’t quite hit meltdown status but there was a lot going around in my head. After I got out, I was looking at myself in the mirror while cleaning my teeth (I never said this blog would be glamorous) and I realised everything I was feeling is why I wanted to start the blog.
The whole point of this blog is sharing my life as I pursue many of the things I have always wanted to do. This includes learning new things. We are never good at things when we start. That is the human condition and why we use the word learn and develop. Part of this is about learning to be able to embrace the inner critic and enjoy the process, not focus on the outcome. I also wanted to blog to share all the imperfections of learning. Reader beware, you are possibly going to see bad photos, artworks, lots of mistakes in many different things and very much an imperfect but open and vulnerable writing style.
So really, my issue was not that I was experiencing the imposter syndrome, I am terrified of being vulnerable on the internet with people I do not know. Even more scary is being vulnerable with people I may know who read this blog. One author I admire is Brené Brown. If you have not heard of her, please go and look her up. Brené is a researcher, podcaster and author whose work centres around shame, courage and vulnerability. Over the years so much of her work has spoken to me and in a way, led me here.
So here I am, I am going to be brave. I am going to be vulnerable and I am going to continue. As Franklin D. Roosevelt said “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the assessment that something else is more important than fear.” For me, sharing my journey and being me is more important than what others may think. Others opinions have kept me chained for to long.
Here is a link to Brené’s website https://brenebrown.com
What are some of the ways you have been brave? I would love to hear your stories!
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